Tuesday, March 2, 2010

What's Really Been Going On..

Ok, I have started and stopped this post like 3 times. I haven't been completely open, only because I didn't know if I should put it all into one blog. I have decided that one blog is enough. I feel that if people want to be friends and follow my blog they should know what's going on in my life. That was the purpose of the blog , to express myself and also a way for me to vent. I have met some really special people here in the blogging world who mean so very much to me. I get emails, text messages and sweet little letters from a few of my blogger friends and I have truly enjoyed it.

So I am going to share a little piece of my life with you all. If you don't want to read that's fine. If you do not have the time to read that is fine too, but I feel like my blog is therapy and its a relief for me so I am going to share.

The hubby and I have been together for almost 6 years and have been married for 2 years. A year and half ago I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease (Hashimoto's disease, also known as chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis, your immune system attacks your thyroid gland. The resulting inflammation often leads to an under active thyroid gland (hypothyroidism). I will now take a pill every morning for the rest of my life to replace the hormones that my thyroid doesn't produce. I have never been the one to have to take medications, so it was a very hard thing for me to accept. I am fine with it now. It doesn't cause me any pain, just some annoying problems. This issue causes infertility. So for 2 years now we have tried on our own with no luck. So we decided to start fertility medications. It's not been fun, not at all. I never knew that trying to have a baby could be so hard? I started the Clomid again this month and have an empty feeling. I don't feel pregnant, although what does it feel like to be pregnant? This medicine has been hell. I am not sure of any other way to put it. I am so surprised that my sweet husband has not had divorce papers stuck on the refrigerator waiting for me when I get home. The mood swings are BAD, I am nauseated 24/7 and I feel like my hips have been crushed. I am not asking for sympathy. I am just being real.

I am trying to be optimistic, but that is so very hard to do when you feel bad. I get up and just pray that I will make it through the day so I can come home and just lay down. I sit here and think I am just in the beginning of all of this. I have seen what women like Summer at B is for Brown have gone through and I am amazed. She has been such a trooper. She has been an inspiration to me, told me what to expect and has given me hope when I know that sometimes she has lost it. I just pray each night that God with give me the strength to go through this. I would say I am a pretty strong person and I am the one you always see with a smile on my face, but lately that smile hasn't been there. I don't say much about "possibly" being pregnant around the hubby, only because I do not want him to get his hopes up. I do not know how he has managed to deal with me and the lovely hormones, but he deserves an award. Its bad when you can't stand to be around yourself, much less him having to put up with it...

I go to see my Endocrinologist ( Thyroid MD) on Friday and Saturday morning I go to my Ob/Gyn and have my levels drawn to see if I ovulated this month on the fertility drug. If in fact I did ,I am told that between 10-14 days I can test to see if I am pregnant. I am going to take it one day at a time. So if I miss a day or two posting you'll understand.

Thank you all for the sweet cards, text and emails it means so very much to me! I love you all!

breanna

6 comments:

Rasha said...

Breanna,

I absolutely love you and you know Im here for you 24/7. You're a strong woman and you're going to be a wonderful mommy. Ill keep you in my prayers for Friday and Sat.. let me know how it goes. xoxo!

Geez Louise♥ said...

Girl,
I struggle with hypothyroid, as I said the last time I commented. It is hard, Im not one to want to take meds. But we do have to take care of ourselves! Who is your DR here in Mobile? I am just going to a regular PC DR. Im praying for you! I hope this weekend is filled with joy and good luck! Just remember God will never throw you anything you cannot handle! I know it seems impossible at the moment, but with God nothing is impossible. Have a great day lady! Take care and hold that chin up!! :)

~KS said...

Thank for you trusting us all enough to open up your heart and share with us. I will say a few prayers for you... you would make an excellent mama, and someday... you will be one!
xoxox

Chris Atkinson said...

My Wife and I are in the middle of going through the same thing. Our Endo told us we would be on meds the rest and that there is nothing we could do. However, you should read this book and find another Doctor who can help you. We found a Doctor who things he can help us get better 6-12 months and possibly come off the medication.

Here is the book. I highly recommend you purchase or check it out from the library. The review are great on it.
Why Do I Still Have Thyroid Symptoms? When My Lab Tests Are Normal: A Revolutionary Breakthrough In Understanding Hashimoto's Disease and Hypothyroidism

Southern Belle Mama said...

So glad you felt that you could share this...that's what we're here for, to support you. I had a friend who took Clomid and had twins. :) So glad you ovulated, and I'll be praying for you.

Suzanne said...

I'm a new reader, but I'm glad I happened upon your site today. Where I can't relate to your struggle, I can be a positive voice in your favor. I'm sure it is crazy hard to deal with, but you CAN do it. And one day (hopefully soon) you'll have that baby growing in you and realize just how WORTH it the struggle is.
Your husband and mine must be from the same cloth! Thank goodness for their patience with us!